Human Events Thompson nod a non-event

Just over a week ago, the news that the conservative propaganda clearinghouse known as Human Events heartily endorsed Fred Thompson for President barely made a ripple outside the righty blogosphere.

That's probably because Drop Dead Fred, despite his ample frame, has barely made a ripple himself in the primary pool thus far. He's limping along in 4th or 5th place in Nevada right now, beaten once again by Romney, McCain, even the relentless Ron Paul. He might get a boost in South Carolina, where his demonizing brand of redneck swagger unfortunately seems to resonate. Perhaps that's what Human Events is banking on.

Founded in 1944, the magazine has developed a safe Net haven for a murder of right-wing crows, including Newt Gingrich, Bob Novak, Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Buchanan, and the Vladimir Zhirinovsky of the West, Ann Coulter.

This blog has previously noted Mr. Novak's peculiar obsession with Thompson as far back as May 2007, but it was muddled in August when Novak revealed that he'd actually like to see Ron Paul as president. What gives? Maybe Novak has a nameless minion ghostwriting for him too.

At any rate, Thompson coulda used the Human Events nod before Iowa; he's been beaten like a gong in most of the races thus far. Why a late endorsement for a seeming loser? Something Rovian sinister in the works behind the scenes? Will zombie Ronald Reagan rise from the grave to stump for his political descendant? Are Romney, McCain, etc. all going to commit campaign-dooming gaffes in days to come? Is Thompson going to tear open his shirt at the next debate to reveal bulging pecs and a colorful cape?

Maybe it's simply because, as Jay Cost observed in The Wall Street Journal, "Human Events is no longer the significant intellectual force it was three decades ago."

Ouch.

Further accidental humor was evidenced in a recent email distributed by Human Events that is essentially a fundraising pitch for their man Thompson, penned by his campaign manager, Bill Lacy. At the very top of the email appears, "The following is a paid political advertisement. Please note, it does not necessarily reflect the editorial positions of Human Events."

UPDATE 19 NOV 2008: No SC'boost; it was more like a SC'boom. Time for Uncle Hulka to bail.

Novak: '08 Democratic sweep of Presidency, Senate, House is 'probable'

Sometimes it's hard to tell, when our old buddy Bob Novak scuttlebutts, whether he's been interacting with actual people or talking to his fist like Señor Wences.  And then, if there's good reason to believe he's not winging it on his own, you have to figure out if he's sharing legitimate insider analyses or just passing on Karl Rove's latest crateful of fat red herring to hapless readers.  That's what makes him fun to peruse.

If we got no-bullshit Bob in his latest political newsletter, then Republicans are in for an even more miserable 2008: "The private outlook for '08 by Republican leaders is gloomy -- not a Democratic blowout, but probable Democratic wins for President, Senate and House, with the best GOP chance being in the race for President.  It may be premature, but Republican insiders are already talking about the outlook for 2010."

Something that Novak himself has been talking about non-stop is Fred "Uncle Hulka" Thompson.  Perhaps aware that he's been a Thompson PR machine of late, Novak now asks aloud, "How viable is Thompson as a candidate?"  He writes:

Republicans may want to be cautious about giving frontrunner status to someone who has not been tested in a single debate and has not won a single difficult election. Thompson is "the man who was not there" -- he is where he is because no one like him existed in the field before now. He reaps the benefits of the political vacuum on the GOP side.

Then Novak dons his purple fedora and gold medallions and promptly starts pimping his man by taking jabs at the Democrats for squawking (thanks to the press) that Thompson was a power lobbyist for nearly twenty years:

The Democratic National Committee is evidently afraid of Thompson, or else its operatives at least perceive enough fear among Democrats that they can be frightened by him into giving money. The DNC sent out a fundraising appeal that demonizes the senator-turned-actor for his lobbying career. "In the real world, Thompson has made a fortune in a decades-long career as a Washington lobbyist," reads the e-mail, referring to him as "lobbyist Thompson."

Novak also predicts that NYC mayor Mike Bloomberg could go independent, the news of which had already made the rounds of the blogosphere last night.  He foresees a potential Bloomberg run for the White House in '08 with Oklahoma Democrat David Boren sharing the ticket:

According to New York political sources, the two discussed a role Boren might play in an independent Bloomberg campaign for President -- generating speculation about a Bloomberg-Boren ticket. In introducing Bloomberg for his commencement speech, Boren praised the mayor's record stabilizing his city's budget and strengthening its economy after the 9/11 attack.

Buried in the middle of his latest report, Novak also makes a striking observation about America's gas problem:

When it comes to energy, the public is upset over rising gasoline prices -- not the failure of oil companies to invest in alternative sources of energy. U.S. demand for oil is at a record high, and gas prices are close to a record high, meaning that there is no public clamor for an energy bill that does not increase domestic production of oil.

He also remarks that "the clamor for ethanol, gasified coal, biofuels, solar and wind power comes almost exclusively from special interests that stand to gain from tax provisions and are otherwise economically unworkable," a clear, Cheneyian "fuck yourself" to poor Ed Begley, Jr.

Pelosi a slave of moderate Dems: Novak

GOP Chatty Cathy Bob Novak says that Nancy Pelosi isn't a left-wing loon at all... she's in fact beholden to a handful of Blue Dog (i.e., moderate) Democrats.  Count Novakula writes in his latest newsletter:

[Pelosi] is painted by Republicans as a left-wing extremist, but the truth is that the left wing of House Democrats complain privately that she is far too cautious. They grumble that nothing is being accomplished in Congress because Pelosi is far too attentive to 20 or so moderates in the Democratic caucus -- especially those who overturned Republicans last year in marginal districts.

I wonder if maybe Novak is miffed that Nancy won't go nuts and unleash Kucinich, Conyers, and Waxman to impeach Bush & Cheney in a Dem feeding frenzy, because that will set the stage for the inevitable revenge impeachment proceedings against President Hillary Clinton.  That's what Novak and all the neocon chimps want: an excuse to go apeshit in '09.  Henry Hyde made it plain why the wingers went after Bubba in '98.  I think Pelosi—to the bitterness of grassrooters slobbering for justice, and the chagrin of conservatives spoiling for a rumble—will bide her time and let the Shrub and his minions be to avoid that whole juvenile retaliation bullshit.

Novak also keeps up his rah-rah'ing for GOP White House hopeful Fred Thompson, this time by taking an easy, steaming dump on the faltering Sen. John McCain.

While [McCain] claims that everything is "fine" in his bid for the Republican presidential nomination, events strongly suggest otherwise. The former frontrunner is now in deep trouble. With respect to the positive signs a presidential campaign can point to at this early stage -- fundraising, national polls, state polls, endorsements -- McCain finds himself almost empty-handed.

Then Novak whips out some amusing metaphors to describe Uncle Hulka and the GOP also-rans: "If Thompson is the charging bear, McCain is the slowest of the three campers fleeing him -- the most likely to be devoured."

And you thought Republicans didn't do drugs.

Novak: Large number of Dem insiders believe Obama will be '08 nominee

Nuggets from Bob Novak's takes on the recent Democratic and Republican debates in New Hampshire:

* Sen. Hillary Clinton, whom Novak accidentally identifies as a Republican, "never looked better physically," he writes.  "She is slow-walking her way toward the nomination, which is often a path leading to defeat."

* Why defeat?  Because Novak reveals that "[t]here are a surprisingly large number of Democratic insiders who now believe [Sen. Barack] Obama will be the nominee."  He says Limbaugh's Magic Negro is "still a little rough around the edges, but getting better."

* On Gov. Bill Richardson, Novak has less than stellar things to say.  Oh, who'm I kidding, he rips him a new one.  To wit: "He appeared totally unprepared at the debate.  It was a continuation of his disastrous performance on NBC's 'Meet the Press' last Sunday -- perhaps the worst performance in the show's history."  Ouch.  There's more... "Longtime Richardson-watchers say he has been flying by the seat of his pants his whole career, and this time he crashed and burned."

* And that brings us to Novak's odds-on favorite to succeed King George, Sen. Fred Thompson.  Novak just can't gush enough about Uncle Hulka, despite the fact that Thompson wasn't at the debate since he hasn't even announced yet, and trails in most polls.  Looking into his crystal ball, Novak matter-of-factly asserts, "Thompson now leads in the futures markets, with Giuliani and Romney close behind and McCain a distant fourth place."  We could truncate that sentence to simply, "Thompson now leads ... with Giuliani," because as I mentioned before, that will be the 2008 GOP ticket if Karl Rove has his way, and he's certainly already clued in his friend Bob.

Fred "Uncle Hulka" Thompson fan club grows like a rampant tumor

A few days ago I mentioned how Bob Novak was hyping Fred Thompson as the hottest candidate in the race for the GOP nomination, and with just cause: Karl Rove has been sticking his electoral feelers out via one of his monkeyboys, and as everyone knows, Karl's sweaty touch is golden.  He's also got his fingers in the Giuliani campaign, but methinks with all of Rudy's dirt and skeletons, he'll be relegated to the VP slot on a ticket headed by Reagan-Bot Thompson.

The lovefest for Thompson continues, with Novak again penning a fellatiop-ed talking up the former senator from Tennessee.  Novak needs no Viagra at his late age as mere thoughts of Thompson's booming monotone are enough to give him a raging hard-on: "...Thompson at the dinner table confirmed the widespread perception inside the party of his potential to be an extraordinary candidate."

Mike Allen of 'The Politico' sings of "a stream of former Bush-Cheney aides and supporters who are signing on with Thompson, in some cases quietly."  He also just happens to mention that GOP heavyweight talking head Mary Matalin "will be advising Thompson."  Without pay, even.

Even Agence-France Presse - a foreign wire service - gushes, "Thompson looms over Republican debate."

To top it all off, to really convince you that Fred Thompson is the Rove-picked successor to George W. Bush, who will (if elected) pardon the whole gang of criminals in one of his first acts as president in 2009, remember that Thompson feels Scooter Libby got the shaft and isn't ashamed to cry it from the mountaintop:

Mr. Thompson, who has viewed Mr. Libby’s prosecution as a severe miscarriage of justice, told Fox News recently that if he were president, he would pardon Mr. Libby, the former top aide to Vice President Dick Cheney who was convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice in the Valerie Plame Wilson case.

Now that he is on the verge of declaring his presidential bid, Mr. Thompson may have the opportunity to do just that.

Springing someone from the slammer would be an unusual presidential platform. But Mr. Thompson, a former senator from Tennessee and Washington lobbyist, has been adamant that Mr. Libby was the victim of an overzealous prosecutor, wrongheaded justice and a bungling C.I.A. "It makes me mad as the devil just to think about it," he has said.

Keep in mind that Thompson didn't even know Libby until midway through Scooty's court ordeal.  Continuing:

Championing the Libby cause could further endear Mr. Thompson to some conservatives. It would also carry obvious political risks, but Mr. Thompson has said he doesn’t care.

"He doesn't care."  Hm.  Wonder what else a President Thompson wouldn't care about...