Farkjected

I, like some of you among the handful of people that peruse this hidden gem of a blog, am a Fark junkie and have been for a long time.  I used to participate in the Photoshop contests, whose entries still have the ability to make me giggle like a hyena on Vivarin.  Not having time for those of late, I do still submit links (leftovers from my job) with an acceptance rate of about 1 in every 10.  I think hard on these little bastards.  So I figured I’d share some of the headlines I wrote that got rejected.  I know that Fark gets hundreds and hundreds of submissions daily, often with countless duplicated items, so I’m happy that I even have a 10% success rate.  That aside, consider these lost links to be precious acorns that never grew into oaken Fark threads.  This is just a few days’ worth, btw.

– Clay Aiken haunted by depression, anxiety, secret love of gold lamé
– Gym students sweat for an average 16 minutes, 15 minutes longer than most common teen activity
– USC complains about Brent Musburger giving away plays, wants him replaced with Kevin Nealon pulling eyelids down
– Sightless man who invented curbside markers to help visually-impaired crosses highway, gets blindsided
– Arctic seals on Florida beaches, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria
– Canadian media executive talks at length about joy of bowel movements, gets the can
– Astronomers find giant, puffy planet. Venkman, Egon, Ray, Winston hop in space hearse
– Johnny Knoxville and 'Jackass 2' co-stars insured themselves for $7 million in case of death. Don Vito gropes chick
– Tissue box saves elderly women trapped in car. FEMA stunned, orders immediate Kleenex deployment
– WWII's "Kissing Sailor" thwarts burglary by applying drunken lip lock with awkwardly raised fist
– Almost 4,000 people in Shanghai have name Chen Jie. Lama Su preps for visit from Master Sifo-Dyas
– India outsources tech jobs to the US. Wally, Dilbert were just getting used to pizza delivery
– Former Texas Gov. Ann Richards dead. Bush kicks body to make sure
– Group of experts conclude that crappy food, violent games and lousy education are harmful for British youth, status quo for Americans
– Arizona county makes stand, nixes use of groundwater for golf courses. Cactii impressed by officials' spines
– Fed study concludes that Gulf War Syndrome is bogus. Will next explain how head trauma, severed limbs are mere flesh wounds
– College Republicans plan "Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day." In other news, Hallmark introduces newest greeting cards
– Playboy surveys readers to find political affiliation. Republicans come first
– Pasty netnerds using GoogleEarth find odd military sites in China, prep Colin Powell for UN presentation
– Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert mangles the Star-Spangled Banner. Blames flub on band, does hoedown
– Toxic homemade liquor kills at least 35 in Nicaragua. Olde English seeks tie-in

P.S. If you have any great misses of your own, share ‘em.