05 October 2006

greatest. concert rider. ever.

Ah, leave it to the good lads at The Smoking Gun to fling a bucket of badly-needed levity into the maelstrom of recent events.  They’ve posted a recent concert rider (that is, a list of demands requests made by musicians, celebs, etc. at event venues) from the legendary James Newell Osterberg, Jr.’s management that has to be the zaniest I’ve ever seen.

Who is this Osterberg fellow, you ask?  Why, none other than Mr. Iggy Pop.  Check out some of the rider details, obviously written by a plastered Brit and excerpted below, with misspellings preserved for your viewing entertainment:

3 X MARSHALL VBA BASS AMPLIFIERS Make sure they’re good ones or we’ll all end up as wormlike web-based life forms in the bass player’s online literary diahorrea. Honestly. He’s like a sort of internet Pepys or Boswell, except without the gout and the syphilis.

1 X 13inch and 1 x 14inch TOM-TOM, WITH MOUNTING.  And if you can’t bring the mounting to us, we’ll have to send a bloke called Mohammed to the mounting. A stand mount would be fine, or a bass drum mount. Herre endeth the sermon on the mount.

We do not have our own monitor man, because in the future robots will work for us and make the world a better place.

For the sidefills, can we have two great big enormous things please, of a type that might be venerated as gods by the inhabitants of Easter Island, capable of reaching volumes that would make Beelzebub soil his underpants…

Dinner for Iggy and two other people should be available at the venue or at a local restaurant, after the show Local cuisine is acceptable, (i.e. local foiod for local people) or steak/chicken, endangered species [excluding moths and anything really cute], snake, whale, or nurse shark [with the nurse on the side, just in case. Well, we could get bitten, couldn’t we?].

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