"Psychics were recruited by the Ministry of Defence to locate Osama bin Laden's secret lair, it was claimed yesterday. Newly declassified documents revealed that the MoD conducted an experiment to see if volunteers could 'see' objects hidden inside an envelope," the article says.W-fucking-ow.
"It is claimed the ministry hoped positive results would allow it to use psychics to 'remotely view' bin Laden's base and also to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq."
Well, what are you going to do, count on Hans Blix and a team of UN experts to smoke out the WMD's? Muppet, please...
"However, after running up a bill of £18,000 of taxpayers' money, defence chiefs concluded there was 'little value' in using psychic powers in the defence of the nation and the research was taken no further."
Only £18,000? Wusses. Our boys at the Pentagon would have pissed away a more manly sum in the millions of dollars before scrapping the deal and publishing a 500-page report full of meaningless acronyms and flow charts.
"The MoD tried to recruit 12 'known' psychics who advertised their abilities on the Internet, but when they all refused they were forced to use 'novice' volunteers."
They should have gone with Montel Williams' medium of tedium Sylvia Browne, who sees dead people and has the amazing ability to make Amazing Randi feel amazingly nauseous.
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