Boiling hot McCain

There's a rumor going around that there's a tape featuring Michelle Obama blaming "whitey" for Katrina and other ills in America. Obama himself has even been asked about it. The story is ridiculous, as BooMan explains.

Well, as long as the Obama haters are going to spread falsehoods, I may as well bring this up.

There's another rumor going around that John McCain has a strange fetish involving sharp-clawed crustaceans. While I have no documented proof that McCain gets sexual gratification from jamming lobsters down his pants, I did have this damning photo emailed anonymously to me. I blacked out the alleged victim's eyes to protect its identity.

McCain must explain this. I urge the same reporters and bloggers hounding Obama over the "whitey" fiasco to get to the bottom of this spiny mystery.

HOT BUTTERY UPDATE: I've been asked if there's a videotape. Yes, there is indeed a scandalous tape, and my contact promises to release it today drat on a slow Friday crap day before election rats... when the time is right. Stay tuned.