Well, it’s all over folks. You can stick a fork in it. It’s done. No matter what else you hear from now through November 7–-no matter what old ladies Sen. Allen runs over, no matter who Rep. Gibbons assaults, no matter how many millions Rep. Pombo thiefs, no matter which old friend Dick Cheney shoots in the face… nothing else is going to matter more than what Sen. John Kerry said yesterday. It is all you’re going to hear about until Election Day on the networks, at the blogs and in the newspapers.
He said “You know education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”
Kerry can explain this any way he wants—it was a joke, it was misinterpreted, etc.—but it will make no difference. The Smirking Chimp is going to hammer home the falsehood that Kerry insulted the troops. And it will work, on an addle-brained electorate weary from the minutiae of myriad Republican scandals. They want meat and potatoes, and they got it.
Just now, Bush concluded a rambling speech to a wildly cheering throng in which he ripped Kerry’s remarks for exactly what they didn’t mean. And on FOX News, Anne Coulter—who is of course immensely qualified to speak on subjects of such import—followed up by re-telling us just what we already heard, but in a coarser language so the mouthbreathers and vile motherfuckers on the right’s front line can understand better. Some people are too dumb even to understand Dubya, but they’re smart enough to know where to vote, when given directions.
Oh, you can trust Kerry to piss acid about how his words are being misused. In fact, he spat fire in a brilliant press release earlier today that would have roasted lesser morons. But Bush is no ordinary richboy troglodyte… he’s protected by the nastiest bastards ever assembled in American political history, the best of the worst of the last four Republican administrations, from Cheney to Kissinger to Baker to Rove and all their little minions in between.
That’s of no consequence now, though. It’s the smugness of the righteous left that will once again be its undoing. Bush can call down the carrier group heading to Iran right now, because he won’t need to attack Iran to boost the GOP for the elections to cover for whatever slack the compromised Diebold machines might’ve needed picking up on. The Saddam Hussein trial can carry on at a relaxed pace now, no rushed verdict is needed. Gay Republicans can unpack their bags, they’ll not be done away with en masse. And George Allen can cackle as his goon squad roughs up anybody in the way. It’s over, folks. Gore killed the Dems in ‘00 with a roll of his eyes; purple bandages did in the Democrats in ‘04; and now, a Kerry ibogaine moment—a half-thought-out, off-handed, sluggish remark—will rile up the American Idiot that has lain dormant for two long years and deliver 2006 to the GOP, just in the nick of time.
Rep. Don Young (R-AK) predicted recently that Republicans are not going to lose any ground in Congress, despite all the polls and blogs and growing collective hope that we shall soon be delivered from the army of know-nothings called the Grand Old Party. “My prediction is as good as anybody else's,” he said. Actually, it’s as good as it gets.
P.S. Vote anyway, lefties. You have nothing left to lose.
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